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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
Check this one out.........1
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP