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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?