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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!