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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
Word for the day is asstard
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.