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I put the o in illiterate!
I don`t care about your status...
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.