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Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?