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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!