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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!