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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.