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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
I wish my mind had a delete button.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.