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ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about