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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.