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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.