Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
My house has really let itself go.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.