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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.