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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.