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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them