Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
My life coach just benched me.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.