Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.