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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.