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If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...