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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
I want to sleep tighter
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".