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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.