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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"