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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)