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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
This post is just for you.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.