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I just called. To say. I texted you.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.