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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...