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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Your lights are on but I see someoneโ€™s been playing with your dimmer switch.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I hate people that donโ€™t know the difference between โ€œyourโ€ and โ€œyouโ€™reโ€. Their so stupidโ€ฆโ€ฆ.
I canโ€™t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone letโ€™s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driverโ€™s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
A womanโ€™s mind is cleaner than a manโ€™sโ€ฆThatโ€™s because she changes it more often.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.