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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.