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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
I`d like to give you a big thumb`s-up. But I`m afraid that would be the wrong finger.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol