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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Is food porn star a thing yet??
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!