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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.