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St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.