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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.