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I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
So much to do and so few alibis.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.