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SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?