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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.