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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.