Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.