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I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.