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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.