Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic