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Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.