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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.