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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.