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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!