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Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.