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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
never tell a lie...unless it is true
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.