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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
You can`t be late until you show up