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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)