Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.