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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.