Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, β€œWell, that was pointless”
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today