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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I dream about naps.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside