Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.