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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
I’m bored enough to clean.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.