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Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-