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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.