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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.