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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what