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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.