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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.