Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.