Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.