Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I purposely bought the same grill my neighbor has, so every time it needs to be cleaned, I just switch them at night.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
Iām so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman