Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.