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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.