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If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.