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In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.