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I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.