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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?