Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave