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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.