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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.