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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.