Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.