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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
sleep is for people without netflix
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.