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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!