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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.