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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.