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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.