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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!