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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
Go ahead caller 9!!
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!