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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.