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The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?