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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.