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i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."