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Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.