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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?