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Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
Can I get likes for no reason?
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.