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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.