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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes