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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?