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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
My number was 0...
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.